Saturday, February 08, 2014

It's hard.

It's hard to sign on myfitnesspal everyday and see everyone else losing weight. Part of me wants to run and jump on my scale to see what's going on. Then I want to knock out a few more calories to see it happen FASTER. But then I remind myself that doing things that way gave me an eating disorder. Eating in secret. Puking after every meal. Binging nearly every day. I don't want that anymore. In my mind I remember what the scale, what the numbers do to me. And everyday I struggle with that. 
What I can do is continue to lift heavy things and run. I have to focus on those to keep sane. 
I know it's working. Just today my inlaws commented on how good I looked. Things are changing, and not just my body you know? 
I hate admitting these things to the blog world, yet at the same time it is sort of freeing. 

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